R.I.P

She inhaled deeply trying to calm her frantic breathing... It was a cold night without a star in the sky. She stood frozen inside of that church her back was pressed against the hard smooth wall. Her eyes were glazed over as if her mind was somewhere far away from her body. She could hear people talking to her and she nodded robotically without a clue as to what they were truly saying. Her eyes were fixed on the window staring at the blank sky praying silently that that night would never of happened. She prayed that the clock would reverse and that time would fold back on it's self so that she could of done something said something.... anything to give her some closure... She felt like a corpse like she was not existing in the body that she knew was alive...somehow she was still breathing although she had held her breath for what seemed like an eternity. Tears pooled in her eyes and slid down her cheeks as she stood frozen praying that somehow the hundreds of people surrounding her wouldn't notice her and her tears...of all the times in her life where she had felt totally invisible and unnoticed right now she wanted more then anything to be INVISIBLE....She kicked off her shoes shrinking lower into the crowd and she raised her shaking hands to her eyes. Tears were now streaming freely down her face... she no longer cared what everyone else thought she would cry and she would mourn and she would scream desperately about the injustice that was served... It didn't seem right and it didn't seem fair...she was so bitter and so full of longing.....she wished right now she could reach out to him and tell him that it had all been a mistake...now that he was gone she realized that a part of her soul had loved him....That part of her heart so silent for so long was now screaming and taring her heart to ribbons...She ran her hands down her face the tears streaming eyeliner in long black streaks down her cheeks...Her body began to spasm and shake uncontrollably....."No," she whispered..."I didn't even get to say goodbye"....She was filled with guilt and remorse...PAIN....so much pain filled her heart and soul and mind...waves of salty pain and hurt filled her tattered heart stinging the scars her heart was so desperately trying to mend... She slid down the wall and collapsed on the hard cement floor..."I LOVED HIM!" her heart screamed from within......."Why did it take me this long to realize that?"..... She convulsed on the floor shaking erratically....friends and family surrounded her with touch and comforting words but she shoved them all away...."LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed drowning in her pain....If he had drowned so would she....she was so confused...so hurt.....finally they left her and she melted against the wall....she could feel herself slowly stand on shaking legs and begin to walk...stepping one foot softly in front of the next.... She held onto the chairs gripping them tightly so that she wouldn't fall...She stumbled forwards breathing harder then before...Why God?? She thought searching her soul for answers Why did you take him so young??? Why did you take him away from us??? She approached the coffin slowly but surely and she heard a soft voice whisper calmly in her heart...His life wasn't taken in vain...He fulfilled his purpose on this world....He has died to save many....now go and fulfill your own purpose...Hot tears poured down her face as she walked forwards and brushed her icy fingers along the lid... "I will not let you be forgotten," she whispered...Her anger melted but the pain remained...She pressed her fingers on the top of the lid against the hard wood getting a glimpse of him for the last time....."Goodbye for now my friend".....she whispered a small smile on her lips "I will see you again".....

"Christ will be magnified in my body whether by life or by death." Philippians 1:20

You changed my life more then you ever knew...we may not have always gotten along but that's just how family is...you were an incredible man of God...I never realized the full capacity of your love for Christ and people until you were gone but you were incredible....I cannot wait to see you again in a better place....I love you more then you understood...You were my brother in Christ and my friend....I will never forget you or how you have impacted my life....You burned for Christ so brightly that others couldn't help but see it...I hope that one day I will burn just as brightly for our Savior as you did....I WILL MISS YOU SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA! My greatest comfort is the thought that we will meet once again in Heaven.

Love,

Your Sister in Christ

PurpleEyesRBeautiful