Toy Soldier

She sat vision blurred on the cold wooden floor. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. In her hand she clutched a small photograph. Her fingers were tightly wound around the corners of the image defensively as if she was protecting it from being snatched quickly out of her grasp. Her breathing was shallow and she was in a comatose daze staring blankly at the barren walls. "I'm going to be just fine..." she tried to reassure herself but she knew that it was only a lie...she wasn't fine and it was going to take a substantial amount of time before she ever felt fine again....she hadn't intended to lose her heart so quickly...she wasn't looking for love at the time but then out of the blue love found her....it was like in those old sappy romance movies and it was so beautiful....but it was only a fragment of time before that memory was ripped away from her....those she loved were ripped out of her desperate grasp....tears slid down her sodden cheeks as she rocked herself back and forth trying to calm her frantic breathing..."I shouldn't be this upset..."she kept telling herself "I shouldn't let this affect me because I only knew him for a few days..." But in the deepest part of her soul she knew that it had only taken a brief amount of time for her to fall head over heels....It was quick and abrupt but it was beautiful and it stole a piece of her heart...she knew that he would always be a part of her no matter what....her heart ached as she sat there praying and desperately hoping that someday somehow she would find her way back to him….that one day she would be able to return to him once again….however, she knew that there was no hope…that no matter how long she longed for him or how many tears she cried she would never see him again…..HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT THAT?! She screamed….how am I supposed to allow you to slip away from my memory from my heart from my world?....how am I supposed to forget you?...can I even forget you?.....part of her wanted the whole memory to go away like a nightmare but the other part of her wanted to hold on to those precious painful  moments for the rest of her life and to relive those moments every single day…..her heart felt like it was ripped in half…she felt so tired and emotionally exhausted….all she wanted was to go back in time and live those moments again but to rewrite her story where she didn’t come home but where she stayed….where she got to see him every day…where her heart was mended and where she didn’t spend endless hours crying herself to sleep…..where she felt whole and happy again…where all was right with the world…she just wanted to fall into a deep sleep and not wake up…..she was so tired of feeling broken….of having everyone and everything she loved ripped away from her….she was so tired of being left alone and shattered….she was so tired of trying to love people……but it was who she was…through all the pain and all the suffering she would carry on….she would pick herself up and pocket her photograph and keep it close to her heart….she might never see him again but she wouldn’t give up on life…she wouldn’t stop loving people even if they stopped loving her…she wouldn’t give up on love just because of how many times she was abandoned….she wouldn’t give up trying to show love to people even when they threw her away like garbage…she wouldn’t give up on hope that things would one day get better…and that even though she was crumbled now she would stand strong through it all…that no matter how many times people would tare her down she would rise again stronger with her hand on her heart feeling the pounding of the life flowing inside of her….even when she didn’t want to carry on she would put on a smile through the agonizing pain and she would march on…like a toy soldier programmed to do one thing she would move robotically through life through enemy lines…she would be dragged down many times but she would pick herself back up even when she knew that she would never see him again and she would keep going because that’s who she was….and that’s all who she knew to be….
PurpleEyesRBeautiful